| A journal of emails regarding Barry Bonds' pursuit of Hank Aaron's hallowed home run record. | 
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Note: Radio host Gary Radnich' attention-deprived, name-dropping banter can be heard weekday mornings on KNBR 680, the sports leader (webstream)
August 8, 2008 | The morning after pill
To: gary@knbr.com
It is done. Bonds has broken through into "the clear" so to speak.
Bonds is in the clear, in spite of your comrades in the national sports media who tried their best to make this a joyless march to a tainted record. Except for rumors of positive test results, all the coverage was negative. The media did their best to personify Bonds as a coddled prima donna with a persecution complex, and they succeeded.
[Simple fan Matt Murphy's life was finally given meaning after he caught home run #756]
Now Bonds is the home run champ. Nothing can compare to that. After celebrating Bonds' 756th home run last night, yesterday and today have been a supreme let down. Is that all there is, Gary? After a 20-year gestation period, Bonds has finally pushed out the 756-pound baby, and now we're all suffering from post-partum depression.
Supreme moment, supreme come-down. It's hard to believe that the Giants can muster the courage to play out their meaningless season (kudos to the little people in the Giants organization who toil in the great man's shadow).
I realize now that after you've been to the top of the highest mountain, everything else is a molehill. If it wasn't for our rage at the injustice of the media's treatment of an American hero, Giants fans would have little reason to carry on.
August 5, 2008 | Simply the greatest of all time forever and ever
To: gary@knbr.com
Nothing can overshadow Barry Bonds now. Hank's 755 career homer tally has been met. Unfortunately, in the wrong city. San Diego. Known heretofore as Blasphemyville.
The enormity of Barry Bonds 755th career home run Saturday was lost on the imbecilic residents of the largest Mexican border town in America. Instead of cheering, San Diego embarrassed itself. The so-called fans booed as Bonds touched all the bases.
[A San Diego Padres' fan is led away from QualComm Stadium in disgrace]
And how did Bonds respond? Was he offended? Maybe. Did he lash out? No.
No, Gary, Bonds took the high road. He took himself out the lineup
the next day, to spare San Diego the ultimate embarrassment of booing
the coronation baseball's next home run champion.
This pretty much tears it for San Diego.
San Diego should forfeit it's baseball franchise, so it can worship soccer, which barely maintains individual statistics. Go worship Major League Soccer, whose all-time scoring champion has a "whopping" 108 goals. Jason Kreis? Who?
I have an idea for you San Diego. Why don't you go worship the "great" American world Cup team captain, the sunken-chested Landon Donovan, who hasn't even scored 50 goals in his life. Bonds has 15 times more home runs than that.
July 31, 2007 | Celebrity order stabilizes society
To: gary@knbr.com
The media says that Bonds only cares about himself, so why should anyone care about Bonds? Let's be clear on something, Gary. The fact that celebrities are pampered, insecure tantrum throwers doesn't make them any less worshippable.
[Celebrities help us live our lives more successfully, according to a BBC report]
It isn't only celebrities who benefit from celebrity worship. According to a BBC Internet report, celebrity worship helps the little people strive for success beyond what they are capable of achieving.
"It makes sense to rank individuals according to how successful they are," reports the BBC, "because whoever is getting more of what everybody wants is probably using above-average methods."
Celebrity order is what differentiates us from less developed cultures, like Canada.
Ironic that the same American media tearing Bonds down has begun worshipping him again. The media is no dummy. They understand that the record will be broken and that no steroid investigation or IRS lawsuit is going to stop it.
To increase his popularity, Bonds has arranged for a former temporary female acquaintance, Kimberly Bell, to appear nude in Playboy's November issue. Of course she'll call Bonds a cheapskate and a liar. She'll claim she saw him injecting steroids into his thigh.
Gary, who pays attention to what a nude woman bent over a chair is saying?
July 28, 2007 | Drug use rampant in DH league
To: gary@knbr.com
Pretty soon, Gary. Pretty soon the record books will be permanently adjusted with the mother of all achievements. Home runs 755 and 756 will be recorded and Barry Bonds will be vindicated.
[Aggressive drug testing has brought shame and disgrace to the sport of pro cycling]
Not just Barry Bonds, but the sport of baseball will be vindicated when Bonds deposits the next two homers in the record books.
Baseball is wise. Baseball decided not to take the draconian measures of, say, professional cycling. Cycling's best riders are required to report for weekly urine samples. They suffer the embarrassment of mandatory random blood testing, anytime of day or night. The result: Every time a cycling champ is crowned, he is deposed the next week by drug test results.
This is self-inflicted chaos. This is no way to run a sport, much less treat celebrities.
[Baseball doesn't want to wind up with Duane Kuiper (1 home run, lifetime) as it's greatest home run hitter.]
Baseball doesn't want to know who is cheating. This is smart. Because if baseball did know about all the "cheating" that goes on, and went on, most of the superstars would be eliminated. Baseball doesn't want to wind up with Duane Kuiper (1 home run, lifetime) as it's greatest home run hitter.
Proceed with the drug inquisition that pro cycling is engaged in and before you know it you've ruined your sport.
Gary, as you well know, everybody is on something.
July 24, 2007 | Unforgettable moments in baseball history
To: gary@knbr.com
Gary, on a serious note.
The media keeps talking about Barry Bonds' "assault on the home record." Funny how the white man, Mark McGwire, was "chasing" the home run record. But because Barry Bonds is black, he's "assaulting" the record. Just another example of the media's bias against black superstar athletes.
What other stereotypical racist characterizations will be applied to Bonds? How much longer until he is accused of "jacking" the record, or "capping" the record? How much longer until Bonds is "gang-banging" the record?
[Privileged black millionaire sports superstars dare not complain about the Man]
Bonds knows better than to speak out against the offensive gangsta terminology being applied to his honest pursuit of a lifelong dream. He can see what happened to Gary Sheffield. Complain about the media's bias and the next thing you know you're stereotyped as paranoid, vain, and arrogant.
July 19, 2007 | With friends like these...
To: gary@knbr.com
Home runs number 752 and 753 fell by the wayside in Chicago today. The leviathan stirs.
Like Moby Dick rising from the depths to swallow Captain Ahab's crew, Bonds is poised to breach the barrier of Henry Aaron's all-time home run record.
After two weeks in the doldrums, the chase is on again. Gary, you in the media must concentrate on the main thing now. Ignore all the hand-wringing over the miserable performance of Barry Bonds’ supporting cast, also known as the SF Giants.
It's ridiculous to put the short-term destiny of the baseball team ahead of Bonds’ pursuit of the home record -- which will stand for all time! The Giants last-place in the standings is a but a distraction. We do not want Bonds thinking that his main job is to help the team win.
[Anderson gets it. Some Giants fans, unfortunately, do not.]
Standings? Who cares! Giants fans obsessed with how the team is doing should take a tip from Greg Anderson, who would rather work for $.12/hr in an Arizona prison that narc on Bonds.
Anderson is the shining example of laser-like focus here. He bides
his time in prison rather than take attention away from the home run
chase.
There is no "t-e-a-m" in "B-o-n-d-s".
All-star break | Little people honored
To: gary@knbr.com
Gary, you criticized Barry Zito for not participating in Fan Fest during All-Star week. Yes, Zito is a star and yes he is paid $126 million to pitch for the San Francisco Giants, Barry Bonds' team.
But Zito understands something you don't. Fan Fest blurred the distinction between fans and superstars. Zito was right to blow it off.
Zito sees how Bonds does not associate with his teammates, much less the fans. Does Barry Bonds sit for the Giants' team picture? No sir! Bonds is careful not to belittle himself.
[Zito understands the rules of celebrity]
Gary, you are only a minor celebrity who answers phone calls from little people, so let me explain: superstars who come down from the mountain top are not true superstars.
A "Fan Fest" catering to fans can give the little people the wrong idea. Pretty soon the little people think they can criticize the cost of parking, the cost of admission, the cost of gear, even the wisdom of paying someone $126 million to pitch a baseball once every five days.
Celebrating fans is bad policy, Gary. Except for cheering in unison, fans have no significance in a celebrity-driven culture. Fans need to be demeaned. They want to wait in long lines and pay hundreds of dollars for a hastily scribbled, illegible signature while being glared at by the superstar's bodyguard.
Ask yourself, what does Barry Zito's no-show at Fan Fest have to do with Bonds' historic pursuit of home run record? This should be your only concern!
Dammit, Gary, stay focused!
All-star break | All-star week distraction taking forever
To: gary@knbr.com
Waiting for Barry Bonds to breach Hank Aaron is like waiting for a perpetually clogged elephant to finally relieve himself. It's as if a baby manatee is stuck inside of Barry Bonds, struggling to be released.
When the profoundest sporting event of all time occurs, a 756-pound payload
will drop onto the head of Bud Selig. Like a gargantuan asteroid, it will crush the inbred, moronic
national media bias against Barry Bonds.
Is it too outrageous to believe that this most-anticipated occurrence in sports history will cause markets to surge, inspire haters of all nations to once and for all put aside their differences?
Breathe deep and push!
Tues, July 3 | Bonds hits 751 in Cincinnati
To: gary@knbr.com
Gary, Barry socked home run #751 in Cincinnati today. The ungrateful people of Ohio booed him as he rounded the bases. The Cincinnati Enquirer suggested an asterisk should be placed next to the home run record.
[Asterisk this, Cincinnati]
Go ahead. Add an asterisk. Put an asterisk next to every one
of Bonds' 751 and counting home runs. Barry Bonds does not care. Asterisks are meaningless
ornaments for haters.
Add an asterisk for every thousand negative remark made about Barry Bonds since he passed George Herman "Babe" Ruth.
One asterisk for every boatload of circumstantial evidence used to "convict" Barry Bonds of what -- performing? What's the point? You might as well asterisk Enzyte Bob for being happy.
Friday, Saturday, Sunday, June 29 -30, July 1 | Giants host another unwatchable team, Bonds hits 750
To: gary@knbr.com
Gary, this home run chase is becoming constipated. Star-deprived teams like Arizona and San Diego make the waiting even more painful. Fortunately the Giants are in Cincinnati, and we can savor comparisons between two real celebrities worthy of worship, Bonds and Ken Griffey, Jr.
[compared to the WWF, baseball's house is in order]
Gary, two things. First the grisly 'roid-rage triple-murder by pro wrestler Chris Benoit. Tragic, yes, but it provides an opportunity for baseball commissioner Bud Selig to deflect criticism of MLB's drug policy during the Bash Brothers era. Look, Atlanta police found an anabolic steroid pharmacy in Benoit's house. Compared to the WWF, baseball has always been clean. Go there, Bud.
Second item for Selig: President Bush' commuting of Scooter Libby's perjury conviction. Thanks to Bush, Libby will serve no jail time for leaking state secrets and lying about it. Take heed, Bud! Convict Bonds of whatever perjury he may have committed, but then commute the punishment. Having convicted and forgiven, the commish can be present when Bonds surpasses Hank, face intact.
Pardon me for caring.
Monday thru Wednesday, June 25, 26, 27 | Giants host an unwatchable team, Bonds can't homer
To: gary@knbr.com
Not much happened in the homerun countdown this week. A boring team came to town and all the wrong people hit homers.
Gary, regarding the supposedly negative effects of steroid use among athletes, especially the "bloat" factor... (let's be honest, Barry Bonds' facial bloat resembles a storage facility for enterprising squirrels.)
Gary, there is nothing wrong with bloat. Nine out of ten Gilroy hoochie mamas experience bloat, especially along the midriff line. You know, that place where the top of the low-cut sweats disappears into the fatty tissue below the halter. The place surrounding the gaudy porn star belly button piercing?
It may shake and it may roll but it's better than scrawny chicken leg women from Palo Alto, the ones who ask you to cook their veggie burgers "away from the meat."
God bless America.
Saturday and Sunday, June 23 and 24 | Bonds inspires Giants
To: gary@knbr.com
Help me understand. What is the big deal over steroids? Gary, they make you faster, bigger, and stronger.
This is no theory. This is fact. Steroids enhance and sustain athletic performance. They are kind of like Viagra for athletes. Athletes using steroids and such can last longer, and they achieve better results.
Customers are satisfied. Yet the word "steroids" continues to get negative press. There are some bitter people out there.
Hey, if steroids make you mean, is that bad? Gary, did you become famous by being pleasant and friendly?
Don't worry about it
Friday, June 22 | Barry hits 749 against the Yankees; who cares what the Giants do
To: gary@knbr.com
Whoa, Gary. Your callers need to stop obsessing over the arcane details of the Giants' won-loss record! Please, less focus on the division standings that show the Giants in last place.
[Focus on the main thing: Bonds home-run-record-obliterating season and the upcoming All-Star game featuring Barry Bonds]
Here's the main message for now. Unless they are part of a deal for a big name hitter from another team -- a big name who will make pitchers pitch to Bonds -- relative unknowns like Matt Cain and Kevin Frandsen and Pedro Feliz hardly deserve mention in the larger picture of Bonds dramatic home run chase. Let's not get caught up in what these guys do or don't do on the field.
Educate your audience, Gary, and stay positive,
Wednesday, June 20 | Giants lose while Bonds rests
To: gary@knbr.com
Fools call in, Gary, telling you to blow up the Giants. Trade Bonds! Dump the lesser stars in Barry's orbit, like Omar and Ray Durham. Go with youth!
Ignore them, Gary. Ignore them!
Stay true to what you know: The Giants are about huge established stars, big market audience, lead story on the sports page, and national media attention. It is not possible to retool Barry's team into the Oakland Giants, devoid of stars, broadcasting on a back-of-the-dial FM signal.
But just consider this. Jason Giambi, a bona fide celebrity who generates publicity on and off the field, is sitting on the Yankees bench killing time. When he could be protecting Bonds in the Giants batting order.
Just as important, Giambi could be in a Giants uniform absorbing media persecution over the steroids non-issue.
Play on.
Tuesday, June 19 | Giants lose again in Milwaukee, but not because of Barry
To: gary@knbr.com
Weird irony, Gary.
Tony Ellerman, the criminal defense attorney who leaked Barry Bonds' grand jury testimony in the BALCO steroids investigation, is facing prison time. For lying while under oath. Basically the same charges faced by Barry Bonds, the man whose life Ellerman has made into a living hell.
[at left, traitorous Tony Ellerman, hounded by drugs, alcohol, depression, and journalists]
More weird irony, Gary. According to the San Jose Merc, "journalists' constant 'hounding' led Ellerman to show transcripts of testimony by baseball stars Barry Bonds, Jason Giambi and other athletes" to the authors of Game of Shadows.
So Bonds' tormentor has something in common with Bonds. Except Ellerman is headed to jail and rehab and Bonds is headed to immortality.
Doin' time.
Monday, June 18 | Giants lose in Milwaukee, Bonds walks twice
To: gary@knbr.com
Gary
The hate continues. In Milwaukee, fans boo the greatest hitter of all time. Why? Are they jealous because Barry Bonds has put an expiration date on Henry Aaron's home run record?
Or is it because Aaron has biased the fans against Bonds? Just like the pettifogging Bud Selig, Aaron says he won't be present when Bonds breaks the record.
In other words, Aaron is basically playing the Peter to Bonds' Jesus Christ, denying that he knows the next home run king of the world.
As you have frequently reminded listeners, Gary, Barry Bonds is arguably the world's most important living human.
Wouldn't it be weird if it turned out that Aaron was juicing back in the "clean" days, when he wore a Milwaukee Braves uniform? Maybe the ignant Milwaukee fans haven't heard the 'roid rumors about Hank (see Steroid Nation -- Hammerin' Hank: Was He on 'Roids?).
Boo who?
Sunday, June 17 | Giants lose two more at Fenway, Bonds hits no. 748
To: gary@knbr.com
Jose Canseco was right. Fenway Park is a "pathetic little bandbox." Really it's just a glorified softball field for beer leaguers. If Bonds played here he'd have reached 900 home runs six years ago. Let's be honest, Gary, Fenway can't be bulldozed soon enough, to make way for a real major league ballyard.
[Is Red Sox pitcher Curt Schilling responsible for pedophiles in the Boston priesthood?]
But let's remember that the haters at Fenway chanted "Steroids, Steroids" each time Barry came to bat. As if Barry is responsible for steroids. Bonds is no more responsible for steroids than Curt Schilling is responsible for pedophile priests in Boston's Catholic diocese. When Schilling pitches in the All-Star game fans should chant "Pederast, Pederast!"
Unfair.
Friday, June 15 | Giants lose, Bonds robbed
To: gary@knbr.com
Message to racist Bosox fans chanting "Steroids, Steroids" every time Bonds comes to the plate: You want to see a steroid freak? A real east-coast steroid freak? Try Gregg Valentino!
[Gregg Valentino, east coast steroid freak]
"I was taking 3,000 mg a week of Testosterone alone. Throw in about another 500 mg of Equipoise and you've got about 3,500 mg of drugs. Well, they stuck me in jail, so I went from 3500 mg to nothing! Thank God I didn't lose muscle, but my dick was like holy shit! I was at the point where Pam Anderson could come in and ... nothing would happen. It's destroyed my libido.... I never got no nut shrinkage though."
Have sack.
Wednesday, June 13 | Giants lose, Bonds barely strikes out
To: gary@knbr.com
As you know, Dick Cheney's former chief of staff, I. Lewis "Scooter" Libby, has been convicted of obstruction of justice, false statements, and perjury in the Valerie Plame case. You will immediately recognize that these are many of the same charges that America's greatest living sports icon -- Barry Bonds -- faces in the Balco case.
[at left, soon-to-be-pardoned Scooter Libby]
But for Dick's boy Scooter, President Bush is willing to call off the dogs. That's right, Scooter is in line for a Presidential pardon.
Meanwhile, Bush unlooses the hounds of Congress on Barry Bonds for the crime of adding 18 pounds of muscle after the age of 36.
Grant clemency for Bonds, Mr President! Prove that you are not just another down-presser harshing on the black man, Mr. Former Owner of the Texas Rangers.
I urge you to run with this one, Gary. If Scooter skips, then Bonds should walk, and I don't mean intentionally. Ralph Barbieri built the ballpark; this is your opportunity to rescue the record.
Remain omniscient.
Tuesday, June 12 | Giants win because Bonds doubles and gets two free passes
To: gary@knbr.com
Highly informed one:
I agree with you that Bonds belongs in the All-Star game, however it may not be prudent. Gary, consider the condition of his knees.
I'm not sure that Bonds' decrepit knees will let him circle all four bases nine more times this year, let alone once or twice during the All-Star game.
What if, on the 756th home run trot, Bonds' ancient knees finally crumble and he gets stuck between 2nd and 3rd base? Will Bonds be allowed medical attention on the field? Will he be too proud to use a walker? Will he crawl home on his elbows? Will his teammates bear him aloft and pass him, hand-to-hand, to immortality?
Think about this: there may still be time for Bonds to undergo knee replacement surgery and still recuperate in time to hit the penultimate, Hank-breaching home run during the Giants' September title push.
Knee replacement surgery may allow Bonds to wear Giants' colors for another six or seven years!
You are a genius.
Monday, June 11 | Barry hits homer #747
To: gary@knbr.com
Some local pundit (not you) said that if Bonds weren't wearing cement-filled shoes then he might be able to bend over and stop singles from becoming doubles.
Cement shoes?
These same Bonds haters convicted Barry of steroid use without cementing any evidence. Irony, Gary.
Please let the Bonds haters know that it's "muscular ass," not "fat ass."
Also, ignore my previous suggestion that Bonds should contact my bodybuilding friend's personal trainer. According to Gilroy PD, the trainer's gel business violated some sort of laws ... and apparently it's not normal for a 37-year-old woman to have severe shoulder acne.
Thanks for your consideration.
Saturday and Sunday, June 9 and 10 | Giants lose to inferior AL team again ... and again
To: gary@knbr.com
The A's - Giants game was on national TV Saturday. The announcers kept pointing out that Bonds hasn't hit a home run in a month. The national media never seems to tire of picking on Bonds.
Friday, June 8 | Giants somehow lose to Oakland, proving that interleague play is a travesty
To: gary@knbr.com
Gare, Two things.
First: Someone needs to talk to Kevin Frandsen. Hustling after ground balls is fine, but Frandsen is showing too much enthusiasm in the dugout, which detracts from Bonds' aura of angry isolation. Jumping up and down and cheering for teammates is so minor league. Somebody needs to remind Frandsen that it's Barry's show and to quit harshing Bonds' mood.
[at left, Giants shortstop Kevin Frandsen, whose boundless enthusiasm detracts from the mood in the Giants dugout]
Second: Bonds is taking flak for his aging, creaky knees. Some smart-ass on your show was heard to say, "How can his knees be tired when he never breaks out of a jog?"
Please remind listeners that Barry Bonds is not about to jeopardize history-in-the-making by diving after a ball. A lot of these balls should never have been hit in the first place, if the bullpen was doing its job, which they aren't.
[at left, flaxseed oil]
There are things that can be done to relieve tired legs. I recommend flaxseed oil, which can be rubbed directly into the skin around the knees. There are a number of other sports creams and gels that can be used to relieve tiredness and boost one's energy level. A friend of mine who works out a lot at the gym says her trainer can probably help Bonds but doesn't know how to get in touch with him privately.
Stay strong.
Wedndesday June 6 | Bonds does his part but Giants lose again in extra innings
To: gary@knbr.com
Gary once again you are prescient. Today you explained how any pro sports team without a controversial and divisive big name is a virtual marketing disaster. And I agree.
Here's the situation locally: The Giants are struggling to stay out of last place and they still get much more media attention than the A's, who appear to be on their way to the post-season (again). Some of your listeners wonder how this can be.
For crissakes! Look here all you A's fans in your second-tier media market -- the Giants don't settle for less! The Giants are willing to pay top dollar for broken down, big-name free agents players with physical and mental issues. Meanwhile the A's settle for minor leaguers and castoffs who are "just happy to be here."
[The genius of Brian Sabean: Armando Benitez generated intense fan
emotion and a reason to vent at the ballpark. Paying attention Billy
Beane?]
Name one player on the A's who fans have a reason to boo! All those team-first hustle guys deflecting attention from themselves are a bore. The humble act is damn tiring. When the A's eventually lose in the playoffs in late September, you can't even be mad at them.
Across the Bay, overpaid Armando Benitez self-destructs in pressure situations for two years, and generates intense, lasting emotions in Giants fans. Media savvy Giants general manager Brian Sabean sulks in response to criticism as fans call into KNBR demanding Sabean's head on a platter. And Bonds -- Bonds is a promotional genius! -- Bonds attracts headlines just by being his repellent self. Bonds isn't media friendly, the way many A's player try to be. Bonds is the media's sworn enemy. He won't tolerate anyone "understanding" him. Barry has a different chip for every day of the week. Watch and learn, A's!
Tuesday June 5 | Nonsignificant game in which Bonds did not play
To: gary@knbr.com
Gary some of the guys on my softball team (Ethnic Fun, Redwood City D-League) have described you as an attention-deprived, name-droppin', celebrity-obsessed media whore.
Nonetheless I respect you because you are willing to entertain alternate points of view.
Gare you are correct: life is a popularity contest. Even those of your listeners who graduated from high school are still lingering mentally at the final pep rally, reliving the brief shining moment when they were minor stars in their own celebrity micro-galaxy.
Sports, indeed life itself, is meaningless without shallow, vapid, selfish prima donnas. Without overpaid over-hyped superstars providing celebrity validation, nobody watches, nobody cares.
Where would the Giants be without Bonds? They'd be a like the Oakland A's, winning with youth, winning with nobodies. Winning, yes, but without a superstar presence to provide fulfillment. Winning empty, winning in a celebrity-less void.
When is comes down to it, Gare, winning without celebrity validation is as bad as losing without celebrity validation.
Keep up the good work.
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